Tenino Gold Star widow fighting to be buried next to husband at JBLM has new evidence

A Vietnam War veteran’s widow and her family have uncovered a letter they say provides irrefutable evidence that she had a separate reserved plot next to her husband’s grave at the Camp Lewis Post Cemetery.

Mary Dowling, 86, discovered that another servicemember was buried in her plot on a visit to the cemetery at Joint Base Lewis-McChord in late 2022, The News Tribune reported in February 2023. Mary regularly visited her husband’s grave at Joint Base Lewis-McChord for over five decades, she said, holding fast to the U.S. Army’s promise that she would be buried next to him when she died.

Chief Warrant Officer Robert M. Dowling, an Army pilot, was killed in action on Jan. 12, 1966, when his helicopter was shot down in the South China Sea, The News Tribune reported. Mary Dowling never remarried, and she raised her four children on her own.

Robert and Mary Dowling both grew up in Centralia. Mary Dowling lives in Tenino.
The story of her lost plot was also picked up by outlets including WCNC Charlotte and FOX 13 in 2023. In comments to the media, the U.S. Army consistently held that they cannot move the urn with another veteran’s cremains from the plot next to Robert Dowling’s grave because interments are considered final and permanent, but that Mary Dowling could be buried in the same grave as her husband. The family refuses to accept that alternative, arguing that the Army’s promise was that she would have her own plot.

In February 2023, JBLM Garrison Chief of Staff David Fullmer wrote The News Tribune a detailed statement saying that the Army regretted any errors made regarding her expected burial at the cemetery. The Army had no record of the letters mailed to her confirming her plot, or any records indicating a reserved site for her, he wrote, though he didn’t doubt those letters were sent.

He also confirmed that online and physical maps showed the Dowling name on two plots, but that “No one currently working at JBLM knows who produced or maintained the map.” The Army believes her reservation was lost between 1984, when a map of the cemetery was made, and August 2022, when records were transferred to the cemetery’s official burial management system, The News Tribune reported.

“Without a reservation we cannot keep plots obligated indefinitely and deny other veterans and eligible family members a place of rest,” Fullmer told The News Tribune then.
Recently, Mary Dowling found a letter confirming that her reservation existed, signed by a “Memorial Affairs Officer.” She found it while going through a box of old papers in her home in Tenino, she said in an interview on July 8 with her son Bobby Dowling.

The discovery builds upon other documents Mary Dowling said she has already shared with the Army, including a letter dated Jan. 21, 1966 in which a mortuary officer asked her to sign an enclosed sheet requesting her husband’s burial at Fort Lewis cemetery in Section 2, Row F, Lot 8, and a reservation next to him in Lot 9.

What makes the recently discovered letter significant, her son Bobby Dowling explained in a follow-up phone call on Aug. 13, is that it exemplifies the annual letters that his mother received confirming her reservation. The other letter previously shared with the Army was the initial form that she submitted soon after her husband’s death.

Mary Dowling said that she stopped receiving the annual confirmation letters sometime in the 2000s, though she wasn’t able to recall exactly when. Her son later said it wasn’t the early 2000s, because he remembers that he was working for the federal government at that time and would make calls to the mortuary office on her behalf to ensure that her reservation was still valid.

“They would really just comfort me to comfort her, to say: ‘No, tell your mom not to worry. She’s here forever just like all the other widows that have graves reserved,’” he said.

He told The News Tribune he mailed a letter to the director of the Office of Army Cemeteries on Aug. 1, requesting “immediate restoration of the reserved grave to Mary F. Dowling, consistent with federal law and Army regulations,” “a formal apology and written assurance that steps will be taken to prevent similar errors for other Gold Star families,” and “an expedited review and correction of cemetery records to reflect her rightful place beside her husband.”

He wrote in a text message on Aug. 8 that there has been no response to his letter since then.

The issue continues to weigh on the family, the Dowlings said.

“Just about every night it pops into my head and so I feel like I haven’t been sleeping well since then,” Mary Dowling said. “I go over and over everything in my mind.”

It also makes her wonder about her future.

“I’m getting older now, and so I worry ... will I have a place to go to, like I always planned?” she said.

Her son believes the Army is “dragging its feet” on a solution.

“I think it’s impacted all of us,” he said on July 8. “It just needs to be made right, and the Army has not done that in 971 days since this discovery.”

The reason she won’t accept the Army’s alternative of burying her in the same grave as her husband, without her own separate headstone, is that she doesn’t want something similar to happen to other widows, he told The News Tribune.

“She doesn’t want to create a precedent where she didn’t fight this tooth and nail, that she didn’t go down fighting,” he said. “And she won’t.”

As her son, he won’t give up either, he said.

A reporter reached out to Joint Base Lewis-McChord in late July to ask if there have been any updates in resolving the dispute and if the letter Mary recently discovered provides evidence that could change their former position. JBLM directed inquiries to the National Cemetery Administration, part of the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs directed inquiries to the Department of Defense press desk, which directed inquiries to Army Public Affairs.

A spokesperson from the Office of the Chief of Public Affairs of the Army provided the reporter with a statement via email on Aug. 8 and attributed it to an “Army official.”

“The Office of Army Cemeteries greatly appreciates Mary Dowling’s sacrifice as a Gold Star spouse and regrets any additional distress caused by this situation. The Army is committed to ensuring standards and accountability of all Army Post Cemeteries and deeply regrets the cemetery management actions that resulted in Mrs. Dowling’s expectation of a separate grave adjacent to her spouse, Robert Dowling, for her eventual burial. This situation was fully reviewed and investigated in 2023. The Department of the Army is dedicated to ensuring Mrs. Dowling receives a dignified burial in the same grave alongside her beloved husband at her time of need, unless she remarries, consistent with the care provided to Gold Star spouses across the national cemetery system.”

Two U.S. Congress members from Washington state, Rep. Marilyn Strickland and Rep. Dan Newhouse, learned of the dispute between the Army and the Dowlings and stepped in to help, The News Tribune reported in 2023. A staffer from Strickland’s office attended a Feb. 16, 2023 telephone meeting with the Dowling family, their attorney, JBLM officials and Army Cemeteries personnel. Strickland spokesperson Siena Miller then told The News Tribune that Strickland’s office submitted an inquiry to the Department of the Army about the issue.

Rep. Dan Newhouse learned of the situation from one of his staffers, a Gold Star family member, and also became involved, The News Tribune reported.

Strickland spokesperson Siena Miller wrote in an email on Aug. 8 that the office “does not have an update to share at this time.”

Matthew Reed, a spokesperson for Newhouse’s office, also responded in an email Tuesday saying that he is having their district team look and see if they have received anything new from the Dowlings. Their office would be happy to speak with Mary Dowling “if she has new information,” he wrote, adding that the person in their office who was previously working with her on the case has since retired.